Week 3 Blog Post #2 Resolving Interpersonal Conflict

It was an ordinary Sunday. I picked up the phone and dialed my friend, K’s number. We chitchatted about nothing in particular for a while. I suddenly remembered the movie I had watched the night before. It had depicted the lead actor as commitment-phobic artist who was very reserved with his feelings. Despite loving the lead actress, he was unable to show her his true emotions. This reminded me of several stereotypical guys I know. I proceeded to ask K why it is that many guys are unable to show their feelings and end up ruining the very thing that they want the most. I might have had a slightly accusatory tone in my voice so it could have led K to respond in an unexpectedly defensive manner. He was riled up saying that I should not generalize all men. K subsequently turned on the offensive, stating that girls were not perfect. He went on to add that girls are superficial and rather jealous creatures. Feeling wrong footed, I deemed the comment about girls unnecessary. I countered saying that I was not trying to find faults with the male race and was just asking why guys tend to act like that. Dredging up old grudges I added that K always turned every conversation into an argument. My highly accusatory tone and escalating pitch left no room for a peaceful resolution. K argued saying that I was the one who suddenly made an accusation that he did had done nothing to deserve. I was struggling to understand why he had thought I was accusing him when my words suggested nothing of the sort. At that point in time, I had obviously overlooked my tone which could have been the culprit. Looking back at this argument I realized that K would have felt vulnerable at the start and would have been caught unawares as I had suddenly questioned him without explaining to him the context of my message, in this case the movie that I had watched. This, together with my slightly accusatory tone could have made him feel irritated. I used to wonder how to bring up sensitive topics without breaking into an argument. While I might have a few more ideas now such as watching out for my non-verbal cues and ensuring that the message is not misinterpreted, I would like to pose this question to all of you. How do we bring up sensitive topics to discuss without making the communication partner feel that it is directed towards them? I have realized over time that in spite of repeatedly saying that the message is not directed towards you, the person does end up feeling slightly disgruntled.
I hope all of you enjoyed my little account above. This conflict may not be a big deal but it is a common type of conflict that I believe people can relate to.

Week 2 Post #1. Survey of communication skills covered in ES2007S and why these are important to me

I used to think that communication was a natural process that did not require much teaching or learning. Thus, when faced with a communication breakdown I would wonder “Why doesn’t he get me?”. According to me the message seemed clear enough so I would push the blame to my partner thinking that he was not paying attention. ES2007S covers the fundamentals of communication as a scientific model. This allows me to see communication in a rather different light as opposed to a natural process. The use of a model allows us to pinpoint exactly at which point in the communicative act, a hindrance has occurred causing a communication breakdown.

The course also highlights the factors other than the actual message that can greatly affect the interpretation of the message by the receiver. These include non-verbal cues, tone and context. Majority of people, including me, tend to overlook the weight these factors bear. The importance of these factors shows up clearly, for instance, when resolving a conflict. While the message I would be trying to put across might be valid, my tone and facial expressions result in a different message interpreted.

ES2007S also focuses on writing skills in a working environment, for instance, the writing of an application letter. This task has given me sleepless nights in the past. It is a grueling task that holds great significance but is rarely clarified. This course allows us to receive feedback on tasks such as interviews through its mock interview session. This feedback enables us to work on our shortcomings to improve our interview skills in the long run.